Just putting this out there to begin with: this is going to be a new type of post for me.
New is good, right? I think so. I mean. No one really gets excited when you say ‘I’m about to give you something old!’ [unless you’re one of those naturally cool, hip people who gravitate towards vintage things, collect eclectic ish and brew your own beer, and in that case, I don’t know how you ended up on my blog]. So let’s try something new. Kind of.
Actually, an old concept is what brings up today’s post. Something old, something new. It must be wedding season.
I was at post-church dinner last night and my friend Morgan + I were discussing our journals, in particular, I was discussing my One Line A Day journal. You know, that journal that I pimped so hard during Vlogmas? The one where your only job is to write literally one line about your day? Yeah, I couldn’t even commit to writing one freaking line for more than three months. I was telling her how I fell off the wagon for a little bit back in February, and then I reasoned with myself that I absolutely could not go back to writing in this journal because I had already ruined the entire concept. I had missed a week. I couldn’t remember the details of those days, those days would be left blank, the journal was completely ruined, my life was a mess, better to just completely give it up and admit defeat, blah blah.
And then I realized how much this common thread dictates so much of my life. It’s the same with my blog and my youtube channel [you know this about me if you’ve watched My Youtube Struggle]. ‘I haven’t posted for a week, I can’t post now, I don’t have perfect pictures, I don’t have the perfect words, I’d rather post nothing than post something sub-par’ all the blahs.
Then I started to think that a lot of people probably feel this way about their faith, or about God in general. That they can’t possibly go back to praying, or come to God, because they’ve gone too far. They’re not good enough, they don’t know what to say, they’ve been away from prayer too long, they couldn’t possibly be accepted. And my response to them would be no matter how long you’ve been away, or how imperfect you feel like you are, you can never do anything to make God not love you. You are never too far from God.
Unfortunately I could do things to make you guys no longer love me, so maybe the concept doesn’t directly apply to blogging. My struggle with perfectionism has definitely been teaching me a lot about my faith and in turn a lot about my work. Because you know what? What IS stopping me from writing in that journal? I CAN still pick it up and start, because I’m wrong. It IS better to have an imperfect record of my life, than no record at all.
So I did just that. I wrote in my journal last night. And I’m writing in my blog right now. And I’m going to write a post every single monday from here on out of five things that I’m grateful for right now [ok tbh, I might miss a monday. But if I do, I won’t give it up forever]. I want to do this for a myriad of reasons [ha! Myriad! What a word. I’d give myself a cookie for using it in a sentence but I already ate a cookie about 20 mns ago because I’m worth it].
MYRIAD OF REASONS:
1. It’s so easy to focus on the negatives in life. We spend so much our lives striving for goals/reaching new levels that we’re always focused on getting there instead of enjoying the little moments.
2. I tend to forget the positives. One of my closest friends, Rich, inspires me so much because he keeps a list with him of all the times God has shown up for him. I think that’s so insanely cool. I tend to celebrate in the moment, but then literally a week can pass and I’m like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A FAILURE!
3. I’m choosing Monday because I think writing a list of positives at the beginning of the week is the best way to start the next one. It’s going to frame my whole week in a positive light and help me search for the things I want to write about!
4. I’m calling it ‘the little things’ because that’s one of my favorite phrases. The list above is making me sound like a negative nancy, and I’m really not. I really do love all things little [and big and tall because obvi I don’t hate myself #giraffelyfe]. This is just my way of remembering what little things I loved all week long.
Wow, I made a list about why I’m making a list. Can you tell that I’m a perfectionist?
Also, I’m getting anxiety that this post is so long already and has no pictures at all. There is a good chance that only 7% of my original audience has made it to this point. I suck at optimization [this post is supposed to be positive, and I’m already picking apart everything that I’m doing wrong. STOOOOOOOP ITTTTTTT. Oh my gosh, I sound like Dobby. You know when Dobby is hitting himself in the head and shouting ‘BAD DOBBY!!’ -that is me. Every day of my life].
Now that absolutely no one is left reading, here we go!
THE LITTLE THINGS: 6.22-6.28
1. I’m thankful that I have a job that I can work from home and take off days if I need to. I absolutely hate not working, but I’ve had some health struggles this last month / was in the hospital on monday / did absolutely zero things most of this week because of it. I was sitting on my couch feeling so sick, just thinking about how great it was that I could be sitting on my couch. I’m very aware that everyone doesn’t have that same opportunity, and if this is the worst that I have it, I’m going to be just fine.
SIDE NOTE: I’m also thankful for people who leave work / rush to the hospital when they hear that you’re not feeling the greatest, get you food and make sure you get home safe. Kim, you are the sweetest friend ever + I’m so thankful for you!
2. Sprinkles peanut butter cookies. Lolololol so not serious compared to my last one, but really. Have you ever had them? My friend had a baby this past week [supes chill, she’s having children, I’m blogging about cookies #adultmoments] but I went to get Sprinkles for them to celebrate + of course that meant buying food for myself. Omg, I love peanut butter cookies. PS. If you’re the type of person who picks Oatmeal Raisin cookies out of all the cookies available, I don’t trust you. Just sayin’.
3. I had a really cool moment this weekend with God. I was trying to put together this gift basket for my friend [the one who had a baby, yes, the one who delivered another human this week, let me keep soaking in how much less stress I’ve had to deal with] anyways, I kept hearing in my head all day ‘give your first fruits’. If you’re not familiar with this phrase, it’s a biblical reference meaning to give your best away. It’s easy to keep your money to yourself, but less easy to give to others. Anyways, I kept hearing this over and over in my head when I was thinking about what to get for them. My friends are full time missionaries, so they don’t have an income outside of what people support them in. Being new parents would be hard financially for any couple, but especially if you don’t know where or when your money is coming! I decided to get them gift cards [visa, target etc] so they could use them for anything they might need during these next few months- diapers, baby clothes, groceries, date nights, whatever. I also made my friend a mom box, filled with things she could treat herself with since she’s probably exhausted [I mean HELLO! She just had a baby! That’s hard work!] Here’s what the box looked like [just because this post desperately needs more photos]-
Anyways, I left Target + tweeted a photo of this moment that was like ‘You know how some people say they spent like, a thousand dollars in target? Bc no literally, I just did’ [I hate that I have to clarify this, but it’s the internet so: I’m not saying this for any type of compliment / pat on the back, because I do not want that at all] I’m saying it because I want you to get the full picture of how cool this next moment is-
I ended up giving them this present on Sunday / went directly to church afterwards where one of the big messages of the night was about giving your best financially, giving your first fruits, and God’s blessings because of these gifts.
And then afterwards I checked my inbox, and even though it was Sunday, a day when typically no one is writing work emails, I had a new email. The email was about setting up a meeting to discuss how to get my clothing line picked up in stores / publicity for it, from someone who doesn’t have to help me- they’re just choosing to.
Tears. God is so good. These are the moments I need to remember. These are the moments you can’t make up- but I can write down! BABY STEPS! [hahahah baby steps omg I’m talking about babies] [hoooomygosh I have no life]
4. Speaking of my clothing line, my freaking CLOTHING LINE is a not so little thing I’m so pumped about. I got the final sketches this week and legitimately could have cried looking at them. I didn’t cry, bc, you know, I’m bro like that. But I could have. They are so perfect. I remember being a little girl, drawing up pictures of what I wanted my future fashion line to be. I literally spent so much time just drawing out what I would have my name look like if it were to ever be on a tag. These were real thoughts I had as a child, and now they are actually happening. My dreams are literally coming true. That is so insane to be able to say that out loud!
5. OMG I HAVE ANOTHER CRAZY ONE. I was on E! News again this week! Wow hey I have so much to be grateful for and at the beginning of this I was like ‘ho hum what am I finna write about!?’ I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT. Yep, these posts are a good idea.
WHO GETS TO WRITE A LIST OF FIVE THINGS THEY ARE GRATEFUL FOR AND INCLUDE A CLOTHING LINE AND BEING ON E NEWS IN THEM?! Wow. I could throw up. This is my real life.
Anyways, I’m grateful for this moment because shooting with E! is so wonderful. It’s not that I’m just thankful to be on television, because it’s not that superficial. You can find a bunch of ways to get on TV if that’s your end goal. I’m thankful that I get to shoot with such a wonderful team and that I get to enjoy the process so much. The fact that it’s for a major network just makes it that much sweeter.
6. I lied. Hahahaha I can’t just do five. This week was the debut of my first time acting! Maybelline + Stylehaul produced a web series called Vanity [imagine Gossip Girl + Pretty Little Liars] and they gave little old me a part in an episode. The show stars Denise Richards, Karrueche Tran / was directed by the wonderful AND Emmy award winning Bernie Su, so it was definitely a great first experience in the acting world.
Here’s a photo of me playing Cynthia, the baddest b**** on the show. But really, this character was pretty unlike me since she pushes people around [literally]. I kept apologizing to Alex [the actress who plays Lily / the actress I practically assaulted] because I felt so uncomfortable having to push her! I was like ‘are you ok walking backwards? Are you okay doing this in heels? Omg I’m so sorry!’ Shoving aside, it was a really fun experience!
I received SO many thoughtful texts the day the episode premiered- thank you to everyone who sent me such supportive messages! You made my day! If you’d like to see my episode, you can watch it here.
7. OKAY LAST ONE I PROMISE. I was going to end on 6 but then I saved this post as a draft + as I was proof reading it I saw the ad on the side of my blog that said ‘Invest in Yourself. Create Cultivate Chicago August 15’
Yeeeeeeah I’m speaking at that conference.
I have an ad running on my website..
..for a conference that I’m speaking at.
This is not real life. What the heck is this list. What the heck are these moments.
If you’re not sick of me talking and you happen to be in Chicago on August 15th, you can come to the conference! It’s all about entrepreneurialism, creating a digital brand and finding your voice on social media. If you’re interested in attending, you can read more about it here.
This blog post was MUCH longer than I thought it was going to be! I was kind of feeling meh about the last week and now I’m like ‘I can’t believe I thought nothing happened. Last week was amazing. God is so good. What is my life’ I highly encourage you to write out things that you were thankful for this past week, because it really reminds you just how awesome life is! If you guys would like to see this type of post as a video, let me know! xx