How can you know someone so well, and think about them constantly- but have not a single word that is fit to describe the way you feel towards them? How is that you have nothing to actually say despite your only desire being to speak with them? A simple ‘hello’ would not suffice to explain the extent to which they plague my daily mind. But anything deeper would also be far too large a statement, a sign of commitment which I am not willing to make. I sit staring at my phone hoping that it will ring with a message from this individual- but I personally would never send the message because I wouldn’t know where to begin. What are the chances this very person thinks about me in the same capacity?
My better judgement would point to them feeling the exact same way, but expressing it in a completely different manner. Like all other girls, I spent the other night sitting up in bed, thinking of how I would respond if this person were to randomly send me a message. And at the very moment I was imagining this.. it happened. So obviously I did the next logical step- I completely ignored it, and went to sleep.
How is it that we sit longing for each other to send that message- but we never respond once its sent? How is it that two people can realize, and feel, the exact same way as the other- but stay apart at the same conclusion? We both realize how much we care, but neither of us are willing to make any move to alter our situations current status. Is that a fear of commitment, or a fear of something larger? A fear that we will lose the fragment of what’s left of us? And is that fear of losing ‘us’ actually the reason for our ultimate demise?
Both our silent stands against a motion to come together slowly pull us apart. Will you ultimately become a memory of someone I used to care for? A time I used to enjoy? Or only a feeling I can not replace, but one that I am sure I miss?
My head is screaming at me that I’m holding on to the past. Nothing beneficial can come from what I think I want. It’s telling me that I have everything I’ve ever wanted in front of me- except the only thing my heart wants is you. When should you stop listening to your head, and listen to your heart? And which is correct? My head, looking out for my heart- or my heart, which wants what my head does not understand?
Hayley says:
If you care this deeply about this person and they are playing on ya mnd so much, the you have to go for it and see what hppens because ifyou dont an then miss ya oppturnity you are going to kick yaself and always be thinking what if and tust me im speakingfrm experience you dont wanna feel like that.xx
elizabethsbeauty says:
I think it's a feeling of possibly being hurt…but go for it because you never know what will happen.
I love your diary entries because it's nice to know that someone is feeling this way like so many other girls and guys are feeling. It lets out all of our emotions reading these diary entries and we're so greatful you share it with us.
Emily says:
you really have a way with words. this fits my current situation so well that i got chills when i was reading it. listen to your heart.
CJ says:
Feelings are often extremely misleading. Listen to your head. I've chosen my heart over my head before. That is where my biggest regrets lie.
Rose says:
Hi!
Well..girls are like that…I'm going through a brake up right now and it's been kinda difficult..I expect it to not be so difficult when some time has passed…but until then =/
I think you are such a pretty girl…you are gorgeous and have such a great personality!!! The feeling will pass…or you will find someone who really values you for who you are…who loves you and adores you!
xo Rose
teacupsanddresses.blogspot.com
Lovely Laura says:
It is very nice to read your diary and to think back of the experiences I once had.
I think every relationship is different, but I must say.. When people take a decision to break up and move on (or try to), it is not wise to try and go back.
Every break up is difficult and if you get over it quickly, it probably meant you were never really in love. So it is absolutely normal what you feel right now. This is just the hard part.
Once you will accept and no longer allow yourself to doubt, you ll be able to focus on what is important and that is you.
If you really think about it, do you think you were incredibly happy with him? did he treat you the way you want him to treat you? If the answer is yes, I would try to listen to your heart afterwards, and try to work things out.
If you can objectively answer no to these answers, then you are completely allowed to still miss him, but you have to shut yourself off from him and move on. I know this is incredibly hard, especially when all those love songs and movies tell us to pursue whatever it is that your heart is feeling cause it only happens once in a life time and blablaaa well, in real life, things just aren't that easy.
I love your youtube, your blogpost and your diary.
X
awomansaffair.blogspot.com
Lovely Laura says:
*questions
🙂 mistake
awomansaffair.blogspot.com
Aisha Rodriguez says:
If i would've listened to my head 4 years ago my heart would not be content now. Go for it. <3
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