As time goes on, you begin to romanticize situations in your head. The reasons why you stopped talking, broke up, or left any form of failing relationship seem less negative with each passing day. You forget the small irritations, the daily upsets, and think of the larger, general picture. Once they’re reintroduced into your life, you only seem them in these small, happy doses and ultimately you begin to slip back into the comfort of their presence. Time passes, you begin to think that maybe they’ve changed, and then something happens to shock you back into the reality that it’s actually all the same.
It doesn’t have to be a large event that brings this abrupt slap back into reality. Often times it’s a poorly worded text or inappropriate joke, but no matter the size of the injury, the damage is the same. You begin to remember that there was indeed a reason, if not fifty, for why you stopped talking in the first place- and that you were as right in those upset feelings then as you are at this very moment.
The saying is that ‘time heals everything’, but does it really heal- or does it mask? Is time actually repairing us? Or is it blinding us from the emotional clarity we priorly possessed? Is this time-induced comfort actually an emotional land mine waiting to erupt as we come closer? ..Or am I the only one who continuously repeats her mistakes?
The best decisions are always made in retrospect- but how is it that we can see our previous choices, remember the pain, and still indulge in these opportunities? Is it the thrill of something ‘taboo’? The chance to change our past? ..Or are we simply masochistic?
How is it that we can know better, but still choose the opposite? Why do we continue to play russian roulette with our emotions based on the ‘what if’ notion- What if he’s different? What if it’s changed? ..And what if this is all happening for a reason?
And just when you get lost in the fantasy, something brings you crashing back into reality with all of your questions answered:
He’s the same.
It hasn’t changed.
It is happening for the same reason it always has-
to remind you that he’s not right. It’s still not right. It will never be right.
&& to never settle.
Niters says:
You deserve the best! You're smart & beautiful inside and out which is hard to come by! ~much <3
yourchubbyfriend says:
time only soothes, it never heals..
you just have to move on and let go
you'll find someone better than him im sure of that! one day you will find your true love<3
do not lose hope carly=)
cheers<3<3
Samantha says:
I used to write all the time like this. Reading your diary posts really makes me want to start writing again. You are a beautiful writer <3
CJ says:
My policy is once you break up, that's it! Never get back together.
raptorsven says:
the saying time heals everything is mostly true there are just some things that even time can't heal and with other things it's almost like u have to do the healing selfconsciously till it becomes unconsciously done but then thats a 50/50 of happening and ome wounds they heal but not fully one lil thing a sound a smell something u read can bring it all ripping back with the pain but real true friends can help u throughthe pain abd be there to give ya a shoulder to cry on and just listen when the pains too much to bear
Gracie says:
Love your diary entries Carly!
http://www.grace-and-beauty.com
jaysface says:
one of my favorite entries! i totally agree with everything you said. =)
Ashley Breton@fromashleywithlove says:
me and my ex took several breaks & got back together… until i stood up for myself and dumped him almost two years ago. then i met my love and my now boyfriend, yet, i just found out my ex is engaged and it still hurts. not because i want him back or because im jealous. because it took 5 years with me and me dumping him to treat a girl right and pull a ring out… who knows if he's treating her well though. it still reminds me that it wasn't right and it would never be right with him & i. much love sweetie xo
goddivaldi says:
This just helped me so much.
Sweets says:
Completely agree this has recently happened to me. You see, I had a negative surrounding and one day i just couldnt handle it and stopped talking to all of those people. i did great for all that time i had to rebuild myself. Over that course of time i started telling myself, he wasnt that bad, my friend wasnt much a traitor.Those people started to slowly enter my life again. Took a little by litttle but i eventually was completely reminded why i left those people in the first place. I realized i made the good choice leaving those people but now they are back in my life and i may be handling things in the wrong way but i am trying to get some of them out my life again. They will be missed, idk im just confused.What sucks, is that i will get called the bitch of the situation even if all they did was hurt me and all i could ever be was loyal.
roxiemoxie102793 says:
I could relate so much and I have experienced this recently and frequently and I can honestly say thank you for writing this because I now feel like I am not alone, that other people especially other women feel this way too. Reading your diary I can really feel a sense of connection… (does that sound weird? lol) Like a type of person I would choose to be friends with. I feel like I really made a right choice in subscribing to your channel when hanh announced that you made a channel. Cause I wouldn't have found this and found peace in a part of my life. Thank you again. Have a great day, or night, or whenever or if ever you get a change to sneak a peek at this. -Claire.
Scarlette Chantique says:
Time personally for me, makes all the thing that I once disliked or have a negative feeling on become a fragment of my imagination. With time, my heart doesn't heal – it became stronger. I know the feeling of being hurt, feeling so lost about losing someone or something and when they come back, you thought that person changed but they are still the same. I chose to move on, not giving another third chance because it might wound me even more. I believe I deserve better.
Carly, you deserve a better person that can understand and love you! 🙂 I hope that by my words, I can also make you feel like you're not alone and someone outside there feels the same way as you do.
Smile,
Scarlette.
The Bloginista says:
I've been there…
<3
lil princess says:
you are tottaly right.. we always think that something is goin to change but reality is dat it wont.. were just trying to see the good in them asholes..they can say that they might have change but to be honest they are telling that to themselves.. telling u the right answers and creating a picture of a better man. the problem is the same.. so the saying – its better to be alone than whit someone that makes you unhappy is true
littlebitofgoodness.blogspot.com
chachaberry says:
I agree with you ! a dickhead stays a dickhead unfortunately
Ana says:
Im stuck in this situation right now -sigh-
holly says:
I'm 16 and I can even say that this is happening to me as we speak. Your words inspire me so much and make me remember that I'm not the only one. I know i'm only 16 and people may say I'm to young to feel this way, but I still understand completely.
Babyfer03 says:
Time forgets but the heart remembers . . .
keena=D says:
<3
Adoredior0x says:
You are a beautiful writer. This diary post and the previous one makes me feels like we are going through the same situation, It's so relatable. Thanks for these Carly!
xo, Angela
5a3db87e-622e-11e0-b1cc-000bcdcb8a73 says:
Today is the third anniversary of my meeting with a man who made & makes think exactly the same things as described in this text. Today is also the first day I check out your diary : I didn't know you existed until a few minutes ago, by discovering your channel through another person on Twitter. Today, I took a "slap in the face" again, as you just described here. To say that this rings a bell is an understatement. I feel you just wrote down my very own feelings. I guess the only positive in all this, tonight, will be to know I'm not the only one. Thank you.
lauraluxo says:
Not only is this completely relevant to most girls' lives but you have worded it so perfectly. You're truly an amazing writer.